


Carry Me To Bed

by DumplingJendukie97



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumplingJendukie97/pseuds/DumplingJendukie97
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	Carry Me To Bed

Picking up my blazer from the floor, I took a deep breath and fixed my hair while I took a look around the hotel room. The messy sheets were an indicator of what had happened just now; as was the other woman in the big suite getting dressed. Even though this certainly wasn't the first time I'd done this, the guilt was still a factor.

"I'm getting sick of this, Chaeng," I heard the other woman speak as I put on my shoes. "When are you gonna tell her?"

"Soon," I answered quietly.

"You've been saying that or the past six months," Lisa replied with growing anger in her voice.

"It's not that easy but I'll do it. You need to give me some time," I sighed deeply.

"I'm not going to be your fucking mistress any longer," my business partner said. "Either you tell her this week or we are done."

"Come on," I tried to soothe her and walked towards her.

"No, I'm serious this time," she responded with determination and dodged my attempt to put my arms around her waist. "I've been patient but this is not what I want. The sneaking around was a little thrilling at first, I admit but this has gone on way too long.

The younger woman walked past me and made her way to the door.

"You have to tell Jennie," she added before leaving the room.

\--

"Good evening, Mrs. Park.

Just like every evening. I was greeted by our housekeeper who took my coat and smiled politely. The routine of it all was more tiring than the strenuous hours of work before. I had built a life for myself that seemed perfect on the outside. If only the glorious facade would match my state of mind.

"Thank you," I mumbled in an exhausted voice. "Where is everyone?" 

"They have gone to bed. I can warm-up dinner if you like?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine. You can call it a night as well," I saw her nodding and headed upstairs.

At first, I contemplated going to see Ella but she was probably asleep and I didn't want to wake her. So I went straight to the master bedroom. Opening the door, I saw Jennie in bed with a book in her hands. The glasses perched on her nose, her hair in a neat ponytail and almost all of her body covered by the blankets; it was the same image as always. My wife of eleven years noticed me entering and tore her eyes off her reading material.

"Hi," she greeted with a gentle smile.

"Hey," I whispered for some reason.

My stomach was in knots. The memory of my conversation with Lisa earlier had my pulse racing. I knew that I had to do it at some point. There was never going to be a good time. I stood in the middle of the room and simply looked at the brunette woman. There was a part of that loved her and didn't want to hurt the woman who had been by my side through it all. But the different part of me sai that we weren't happy anymore. I knew I wasn't.

"Rosie, what's wrong?" Jennie asked worriedly and put her book down.

"We need to talk," my voice was already shaking.

"Okay," she breathed calmly.

I inhaled very deeply and told myself to suck it up. Slowly approaching the bed, I sat down at the edge and nervously fumbled the sheets. Once I had talked to Jennie, there was no going back. That knowledge had been keeping me from having this conversation. But it wasn't fair to her.

"I don't know how to say it," I whispered.

"Yes... you do," the other woman replied and I looked up to meet her gaze. Something in the way she said it, let me know that she may already know where this was going.

"I feel like we've been drifting apart," I heard my voice trembling again. "You know that... I care for you so much and a part of me will always love you. But... lately, I think we're both not happy with this. We've become so distant. I barely see you, and I know that's partly my fault for working so much, but I feel like we've grown so far apart that we might be happier... If we..." I trailed off.

"If we separated," Jennie finished my sentence as I struggled to find the right words.

Our eyes met again and I felt tears burning within mine. Although I was sure we weren't happy as we once were, my heart sank at the idea of actually closing this chapter of my life. The darker eyes were glassy as well but she put on a brave face.

"Yes," I nearly choked at the most simple word.

Jennie chewed on her bottom lip and sighed quietly. I knew she was upset but she reacted in a way that I hadn't expected. She only nodded.

"I agree," she suddenly said and my eyebrow lifted in surprise. "I want you to be happy, Chaeng. And I know you haven't been in a long time.

"I don't want to hurt you," I blurted out and she wore a sad smile on her lips now.

"I know," she murmured barely audible. "I'm not mad at you if that's what you're afraid of. There are always two people to fault if things don't work out."

Well fell silent for a while until the uncomfortable moment was too much to handle for me.

"Do you want me to sleep in the guest room tonight?" I asked carefully.

"No, don't be ridiculous," Jennie flashed a gummy smile that reminded of her as a teenager. My heart cramped up at the thought of us back then. We were so carefree, so happy... so in love. "Let's talk about details tomorrow, okay? I'm tired." 

"Alright," I agreed and took the other side of the bed.

Lying down, I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like ages. I didn't dare look to my side and therefore my wife because I knew I would most likely break down in tears. As relieved as I felt, a part of my heart had broken irrevocably.

\--

The next evening, I found Jennie sitting at the dining table downstairs. Instead of eating dinner, she was writing something. There were a bunch of papers spread out on the wooden surface.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously and took a seat next to her.

"I wrote some things down," the older woman explained. "Here," she handed me a few pages and I gulped.

"Are those divorce papers?" I was a little shocked.

"Not really but I thought it would be best if we handled some things," Jennie answered calmly.

"You want me to keep the company? That's not going to happen. We built it together and you will get your share of everything... shared custody for Ella...you even want me to have the house in Australia? You love that beach house." I kept rambling as I read the papers in an increasing amount of shock.

"I only want one thing." her voice carried an ounce of instability now.

"What?" I asked immediately, still struggling to get my head wrapped around everything.

"I want you to carry me to bed for 30 days." 

I felt every color draining from my face as I heard her words. Meeting the dark cat-like eyes, I wasn't sure what I saw in them except for some anxiousness. My heart was beating faster than it had in ages as I dropped the paper in my hands.

"You're not... serious?" I questioned cautiously.

"I am," she answered immediately. "I want you to pick me up from the couch and carry me upstairs to bed just like you did when we first got married. Don't worry, I'm not asking for what we did in bed afterward," Jennie laughed in a flustered manner. "But that's the only condition I have. Then you're free to go."

I was at loss for words. She was completely serious by the look in her eyes. It took me several seconds to even comprehend what she was asking for. To say it was surprising would be the understatement of the century. I wasn't going to leave her with nothing but of course I remembered what she was talking about.

For months, maybe even an entire year, I had carried my newlywed wife to bed. It had become a ritual for both of us and I cherished the memory dearly. It was before Ella had been born and obviously changed our patterns. After a while, we had forgotten about it and now seemed to be the least likely time to return to our old ways. But apparently, Jennie had different plans.

"Do I start tonight then?" I asked with a little smirk and looked to meet her gaze.

"Sure," she laughed softly and made my heart skip a bit at the sound. "I'm tired anyway."

"Let's go then," I tried to hide my nerves by shrugging nonchalantly.

I got up and was about to bend down when the other woman stood up.

"I'll make it easy for your first day," she said about me not having to pick her up from the chair.

"You're too kind," I teased with a girn but felt nervous the second she put her arm around my neck. I gulped slowly and felt my cheeks filling with blood. In one swift move, I swooped her legs off the ground so I was holding them with one arm, the other supporting her upper body. She squealed in surprise apparantly and my heart missed yet another beat.

"And you haven't unlearnt," her slightly breathy voice was so close now.

I smiled widely but started walking with no hesitation. She was still such a light-weight, I thought.

"You always say you want to work out more," she said and I made the mistake of looking at her. We were so close that I stopped walking for a millisecond. It was a strange combination of feelings all at once. There was no denying that it felt nice to be more comfortable around each other. The closeness of our bodies wasn't something we had shared in a while but it felt familiar immediately. It wasn't awkward.

Kicking open the bedroom door, Jennie laughed softly once more and this time I joined in her laughter. A few more steps and I had reached the bed. Carefully putting the slender body down, we were still giggling when a different voice filled the room.

"What are you doing?"

Both of us looked to our side and found our daughter eyeing us skeptically. The eight-year-old seemed surprised to see us this close and laughing. That thought alone was heartbreaking.

"Your mom was being nice and carried me up because I was tired," Jennie took the initiative and answered first. "She used to do this with you all the time." 

"I know," Ella smiled now and approached us. As she got closer, the other woman wrapped her arms around her and kissed her head. I had barely seen them interacting lately because I wasn't home much. It killed me to see them this way - in the best way possible. "Tomorrow you can carry me upstairs, mom." the girl who was the spitting image of Jennie said.

"I'm afraid I'm booked already," I returned with a smirk while Jennie kept kissing Ella's head.

"Can we watch a movie in here together," our daughter seemed eager now that she saw us being happy.

"Of course," I said instantly.

"Awesome! Can I pick the movie?"

"You and mommy can decide while I change, okay?" I offered and she nodded enthusiastically.

We hadn't done this in a while but it had been another ritual in the past. The three of us cuddled up in bed with popcorn and a movie. It sounded so tempting now and I couldn't change fast enough to join my family.

\--

23 days had passed. 23 days of carrying my wife to bed.

It sounded monotonous but it wasn't. Every day felt different. Some days were easier and some harder. At times I didn't want to do it because I began wondering why she was doing it in the first place. Why did she want me to have all these conflicting emotions before we'd separate? It nearly angered me that she brought back so many memories and feelings as well. Other days, I couldn't wait to get home.

Last night had been one of the most confusing days. Jennie had been asleep on the couch and I had carried her upstairs nonetheless. Her head resting on my shoulder and chest, her soft breathing and relaxed facial features stirred up all sorts of emotions. After putting her to bed, I had watched her sleep for several hours. At one point I had gotten carried away and stroked her cheek, She had opened her eyes, smiled sleepily but fallen asleep again immediately.

Carrying her upstairs once again tonight, I couldn't believe it but there were butterflies in my stomach.

"Are you getting lighter or am I just getting stronger?" I wondered while taking the steps carefully.

"I'm doing a cleanse and have lost a few pounds," Jennie's voice sounded strenuous tonight. "But you're welcome to believe that you're getting stronger if it makes you feel any better," she added teasingly.

"Are you tired?" I didn't banter because I was starting to be concerned.

"Yeah," she sighed and rested her head against my chest. Oh God, hopefully, she wouldn't notice my heart beating uncontrollably fast now.

As I reached the bed, she was breathing regularly as if she had fallen asleep within seconds. So I decided not to put her down but lay her down on the bed like that night before. She didn't protest but I saw her eyes opening. As I was bent forward, my face hovering inches above hers, I looked into the deep brown eyes that had enchanted me from the moment we had met. The desire to close the distance between us was overwhelming, yet crippling me.

Suddenly I felt her hand resting on my cheek, her thumb caressing my skin as she smiled contently. It was just a second or two before she withdrew and closed her eyes to sleep.

I swallowed and tried to gather my thoughts. However, it seemed impossible because my brain was not functioning now that my heart had taken over. Wetting my lips, I placed a gentle kiss on Jennie's forehead. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the brief moment of my lips lingering on her skin. Pulling back, the older one was still breathing peacefully in her sleep.

"I haven't heard from you in weeks," Lisa's voice was reproachful.

"I was busy," I definitely lied because that wasn't the reason I hadn't talked to her.

"Oh really? Then I assume your schedule has opened up if you asked me to come and see you. Although I'm surprised we're meeting in your office instead of a hotel," she admitted while I struggled to keep calm.

"I need to tell you something," I exhaled quietly.

"Did you finally tell Jennie that you're ending it?"

"I did," I wasn't lying this time. "But..."

"But?" Lisa's eyebrows kinked in anger.

"I don't think I can...do this," I sounded more determined now.

"You can't do what?" she got up from her seat and walked over to me.

"I don't think I can leave her," I lifted my head to meet the dark eyes filled with rage.

"You can't leave her yet... or not at all?"

"I'm sorry, Lisa." she shook her head in disbelief. "I did want to leave her but things changed in the past few weeks. It's all so confusing but I don't think I'm ready to give up.

"You piece of shit!" the woman in a black dress spat. "You've been fucking me for six months! You can cheat on her but you can't leave her?!"

"I was incredibly unhappy and I swear to you that I wasn't trying to lead you on-" I barely finished my sentence when I felt her hand colliding with my cheek. The slapping sound filled the spacious office. Clenching my jaw, I knew I deserved it - and then some.

"I should tell her all the sit you've done to her," Lisa hissed in a trembling voice.

"I'm going to tell her," I said slowly. "She'll be the one leaving me then anyway,"

"Don't you dare call yourself the victim now, Chaeyoung. I hope she leaves your sorry ass. Go fuck yourself!"

The high heels marched out of my office. My cheek burned but what hurt way worse was the idea that I might lose Jennie after telling her the whole truth.

\--

I opened the front door and my palms were so sweaty that I dropped the keys. Picking them up, I was once more greeted by our housekeeper while we exchanged a few words. However. I was antsy and wanted to find Jennie to get things over with. As I walked into the living room, she wasn't sitting on the couch like she had done the past 29 days.

It was day 30 - my last day to carry her to bed according to our agreement. The fact that she wasn't sitting in her usual spot worried me. Had I miscounted the days? My heart was beating out of control as I made my way upstairs into the bedroom. In my head, I had planned what I wanted to say but it was all gone when I saw Jennie lying in bed.

She seemed to be asleep and I felt disappointed that I wasn't able to carry out my last day of duty. I hoped that I would have the chance to continue our ritual in case she forgave me. That was a big "if" though.

Approaching the bed, I sat down at the edge and examined her facial features. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. It took courage to gently stroke her perfect jawline until I reached her lips. They were slightly parted which wasn't unusual. I used to mock her because she slept with her mouth open a lot.

Taking an even closer look, I noticed how she was... too still. My eyebrows furrowed lightly while my pulse quickened. There was that moment of instant panic. It was instinctual within everyone when they worried but in most cases it was unjustified.

"Jennie?" I whispered but she didn't move. "Jennie?" repeated but this time louder.

My eyes darted frantically now and I put my hand on her shoulder, shaking her lightly. Her body was limp and there was a cold shiver running down my spine, While my eyes filled with tears, my trembling hand moved to hers in order to feel her pulse - there was none.

I was caught in a state of shock and panic. My body didn't know how to react. My brain told me to call an ambulance but I was frozen. The unimaginable horror of the situation wasn't sinking in for a few more seconds until I grabbed my phone and called someone for help. Making the call, I dropped the phone right after and felt my heart seemingly being ripped apart.

My chest was genuinely in physical pain. I felt like I was being stabbed with a knife, the aching sensation growing with every jab. The hot tears streaming down my face were not noticeable to me at this point. It was impossible but my throat felt constricted as if someone was choking me. I held my breath because I knew I would break down once I started.

At one point I had to breathe again and with that, the loudest sob escapes my lips. My shaking hands were trying to "wake" her again and again but no matter how hard I tried, she wasn't flinching.

The usually so expressive face was blank; there was no smile. No smirk. No lip biting. No frown. No scrunched up nose. No...nothing. And my heart shattered when I realized I was never going to see any of it again.

She had left me - in the worst way possible.

\--

I was the last one at the cemetery.

While everyone was leaving for the wake, I was glued to the chair it seemed. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was a widow. What was even more unbelievable to me was that I hadn't been the only one keeping a secret.

Jennie had been diagnosed with gastric cancer months ago. Her chances had been slim since cancer had spread to most of her organs. She had refused treatment and decided to live her life for as long as she was able to - all without anyone knowing. Her fatigue and weight-loss in the past weeks made sense now but there was no consolation.

While my wife had gone through the worst time of her life, I had been too busy with my own dramas to notice. All I wanted was another chance - a chance to make things right. My eyes were watering again as soon as I realized that I would never get that chance.

"Ella is waiting for you in the car," I heard a familiar voice and looked up. Irene's eyes were puffy from crying but they carried something else in them: anger. She had not looked me in the eye once. I wasn't sure why because she had been Jennie's closest friend.

"I'll be right there," I said slowly while Irene took a step to walk away. But she didn't. She suddenly stopped in her tracks and glared at me.

"She knew," Irene's voice shook. "Jennie knew all along about you cheating on her," my heart stopped. "I told her a million times to leave you but she wouldn't listen. We fought and didn't speak to each other for two months because of it. I lost that time with her because of you. When we reconciled she told me about her cancer and that she was going to die in a few weeks probably."

I was unable to breathe while the woman came down hard on me.

"You want to know why she asked you to carry her to bed?" she shook her head in disbelief and I wasn't certain I wanted to know at this point. "She did it because of Ella. Since she knew there wasn't much time, she wanted Ella to have this last image of you guys: Happy. Most of all, she didn't want Ella to have a bad memory of you. She wanted her to remember you taking care of her at the end - not leaving her while she was dying."

Whatever was left of my heart at this point, it crumbled right there. All this time I had wondered why Jennie had asked me for the unusual favor, I certainly didn't expect this to be the reasoning. It showed all the more what a beautiful human being she had been - one that I wasn't deserving of, to begin with.

"You should get on your fucking knees and thank her for it because if she knew the truth, Ella would hate you just as much as I do," Irene dealt a deathblow to my heart because it was the truth.

I couldn't look at her and simply faced the ground while an endless amount of tears were running down my face. The memories of me carrying her to bed were the most painful ones. She had been sick without me knowing and I had missed the opportunity to tell her one last time how much I loved her.

I wanted one more day to carry her upstairs - but day 30 would never come


End file.
